Is there something grub me?

I am not sure there has anything grub my soul, I want to do something important. Yeah, but what‘s important? I don’t know, when I am in school, my parents and other relatives encouraged me to get a good score, I did, It’s well, isn’t it? Why I gave up my goal and chose this computer special field of study? If we haven’t that conflict, everything will be natural? I can’t get these at the same time. Review past two years, which thing I got? Fuck, now, everyone let me earn money, I can’t do that! I needn’t money? No doubt, I want to get a new laptop, some pairing devices, such as Apple Watch, U drive or storage. Even though I can use pirated Synology NAS by VMware, the macOS Mojave is same as it, but why I need mind this virtual machine limit. I don’t know I need how much time, to be honest, I haven’t courage to earn money, improve myself instead of entering the society. Is earn some money meaningful, earn so much money is awesome? I remember one sentence “I + We = Full I” sometimes, I am lonely? I can’t describe myself in some specific words, one thing I must admit is I can’t talk with classmates, friends, I did everything by myself, so terrible, web development, embedded, spider, Data analysis, etc.